Tuesday, September 29, 2009

no privacy ever

*Warning* to my male reader and young readers: you might just want to skip this post...I didn't mean to talk about topics such as childbirth and breast feeding but I just started rambling (something I never usually do...) and it just kinda turned into that. Just so ya know. You've been warned.

Not too long ago, I was happily sitting at my computer at the kitchen table.
I was on facebook chatting with an old friend that I haven't talked since high school.


One of my kids (I won't name names) comes up from behind me and starts reading over my shoulder.


"Excuse me!" I shout as I clumsily try to cover up my conversation with my hands and body.


"Geez Mom! What are you trying to hide?" says my offspring.


And then I feel guilty.


Yeah guilty. Not because I was saying anything that I shouldn't be saying or talking to someone that I shouldn't be talking to. I actually felt guilty because I just wanted some privacy!


Obviously, I would never be allowed to read over my teens shoulder without a few choice words from them. Because well, that's just....well....duh!!!


But heaven forbid Mom should get any privacy!


Putting the two words "privacy" and "mom" in the same sentence doesn't even feel right. Because I'm a Mom then my world is all "self sacrifice" and laid out for the offspring to rummage through.

I've been a mom for 21 years now and I starting thinking back on the loss of my privacy.

Of course it all begins in the womb (Goodbye Mac, I said the "w" word she's outta here!) The privacy issue isn't so big here. Wait I take that back! Suddenly thoughts of my OB/GYN office and the lovely table with the stirrups came rushing back. (I was originally thinking that it's more about sacrifice for your kids at this stage-eating right, giving up the coffee and diet coke, etc. etc., but you're still losing your privacy and your kids are the cause.) So, yeah there's no more privacy at that point....time to start getting used to it.


Then childbirth. A whole new level of exposing yourself. I remember thinking while pregnant with my first (remember, I was just a young teen thing then) "is there any other way we can get this thing out? Eewww! Gag me with a spoon!" (it was the 80's after all...actually, I never said that. Actually, I don't think anyone ever said that in the 80's except that one movie with a hairy Nicholas Cage at the beach--I can't remember the name of it....).


Anywho, I really could have cared less about privacy once the "urge to push" came. And I'd like to have a word with whatever male doctor came up with that phrase. It's obviously a male who never gave birth because it is not an "urge" it's more like a "I have to push now or I'm gonna rip that lovely nurses head off that's standing next to me who is telling me to 'breath through it' and then I'm gonna kill my husband next for doing this to me" kinda feeling.


Then there's breast feeding. That's when your privacy is not only violated by just a few choice nurses (who are "expert breast feeders" which means that gives them the right to gab your "breast feeding equipment" in her cold hands (without warning or permission) to show you how to get the baby to "latch on"). With breast feeding your privacy can also be given up in front of visiting family, friends, and strange people at the park depending on how good you are at keeping that little blanket in place and slapping hands off the women who think it's okay to pull back the blanket and "sneak a peek".



Then, when the offspring start getting around on their own you lose bathroom privacy....I'm definitely pretty reserved and I managed to shut the door (sometimes) but I still count fingers sticking under the door and your kid yelling "I can hear you peeing Mom!" lack of privacy.



I'm also counting the fact that there were years that I didn't enjoyed anything sweet or indulgent all by lonesome when in the presence of my kids as a lack of privacy (idk maybe that's stretching it). Although now that they are older and I spend more time away from them it isn't as big as an issue but I still go to drink my diet Coke and find Mac has stolen it or I find myself wolfing down my dessert so no one else can "share" mine.

I'm on the upswing of regaining my privacy. But there are still days when I feel like I will never have it back completely. Like with the computer chatting issue. Oh yeah, and the other day when the kids found my old high school yearbook (the reason I had it out had nothing to do with facebook and not remembering people I went to high school with....I was just reminiscing....really!). My kids proceeded to look at and make fun of pictures of me. And one of them started reading what people wrote in my yearbook! If I tried to read my kids yearbooks I would be verbally assaulted for sure!

And of course, when they are all grown and gone, I will miss them and I will have an abundance of privacy. But for now. Back off please.

10 comments:

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

thanks for visiting me from SITS - love your blog and am now a new follower

you know you are a mom when you have a child sitting on your lap when you're taking a number two

i get it NO PRIVACY

Deborah said...

That is still true with teenagers, no privacy at all! At least my son knocks at the bathroom door!

Jessica said...

I have to pee with the door open. There. I said it. =)

Great post....and the childbirth thing? So true. There are no secrets in the delivery room!

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Amen, Sistah! I never thought about feeling guilty for wanting privacy...but you hit the nail on the head! So true.

I tell 'em to back the eff off! hehe

Lucky Girl said...

Yes Deborah, but that privacy is for him!
My boys are older, and if they accidently see me in anything less than full armor, they act like they want to tear their eyes out...and the screams. (Theirs, not mine) It's like they've seen a horribly disfigured monster, instead of a middle-aged mom with a little (well maybe not so little) cellulite. :D
Great post Tori!

rxBambi said...

Ok, no one told me I was gonna poo on the table. That was a shocker. And not a good one.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

these types of posts are the best birth control on the market.

McGillicutty said...

Oh and I thought the fingers under the door thing was just me and mine.... it's when the dogs sniff loud and long that makes me giggle!!! I hate it when they read over my shoulder when i'm online..to anyone "real" my comments are just inexplicable!!

Shan said...

This was *fabulous*! I have a 16 year old son and a 17 month old daughter, so it's all right.there. Tonight I was excited because he went to band, she went to bed and my husband had a meeting.

Thanks for the laughs.

Anti-Supermom said...

Did you know that for my birthday last year, I checked into a hotel only 5 miles from my house. This was the only thing I wanted for my birthday. Privacy has it's rewards; major, major rewards.

Here's the post (see, it's true...)
http://www.antisupermom.com/2008/10/weekend-in-stock-photos.html