If I tell you my weight I may have to kill you

I finally went and got my Illinois drivers license yesterday.

I have obviously been procrastinating. I couldn't anymore.

When I went to Florida with my friend Gigi last month, I got stopped by security because my Michigan drivers license had expired. I hadn't realized it. The nice security guy let me go, but not before letting me hear all about how nice it was of him to do such a thing.

I've only lived in three states, but every Secretary of State office seems the same to me. It's there some kind of law that says the office has to be a dirty, smelly, dreary place. Same thin brown "carpets", same looking counters with the same tired, frustrated, sad looking people sitting behind them.


The woman who waited on me was faded. That seems the best way to describe her. Her hair was a dull dirty blonde, still styled with an 80's poof of bangs. Her posture implied that her job was draining the life out of her. Weary and slumped, she asked me in a monotone voice the questions she must ask hundreds of times a day. I was in a bit of a hurry so I rattled the answers off rather quickly. It was like a tennis match. She lobbed over a question is her tiresome voice. I'd return an answer swiftly.

Back and forth, back and forth we went.

When she asked me my phone number I had to pause for just a second to recall our new home phone number. I never use it (and you know how I am with numbers).

I have a habit of looking at the ceiling when thinking about something, but I pulled the phone number out of my sad little number disabled brain as quickly as I could. The next listless question was tossed at me before I had time to take my eyes off the water stained ceiling tiles that my ADD mind was just finding interesting (they looked like chocolate chip cookies). She was obviously pushing to keep up the speed of the volley. The next question was the Hubs social security number. I actually know his better than mine own but I was still looking up while I rattled it off along with the next couple of questions.

Just as I'm getting my end of the volley back up to speed she slams me with a question I didn't expect. "Your weight please?" This time my pause has nothing to do with not being able to recall the answer. I see that weight on the scale every morning. I just don't want to tell her. I'm not even sure why I don't want to tell her. Maybe I just don't want to say it out loud. If I say it out loud then it becomes real. Like that whole tree falling in the forest saying....

I WAS planning on loosing some weight soon. I don't want THIS weight in my permanent computer file record thingie! I just had a little too much Halloween candy. If I'd known I'd have this in my permanent record, I'd have procrastinated even longer, till I was at my ideal weight (which means I never would get my license).

I could lie....and now I'm having a moral dilemma here. Can a cop give you an extra ticket when he pulls you over for lying about your weight on your drivers license?

Yes these are all the things going through my mind in a very quick few seconds. And I'm still looking at the ceiling....

So I shout out a weight.
Not my real weight (NO I'm not telling you what I told her!)
Yes I lied. And I feel bad.

And she pauses. And pauses. My mind is waiting for the next question. And it doesn't come. And I'm feeling guilty about lying. I peel my eyes off the ceiling and reluctantly look at her.

And she is looking at me. She is looking right into my eyes. Into my soul.
She knows I lied. I can feel it. She is judging me. I can feel that too.

I'm starting to blush. I'm waiting for her to say "Oh come on!!! ___ pounds? Really?"
I'm starting to think of excuses. Like ~well, that's what I usually weigh (before 4 kids, that is)
or ~I'm just retaining water.

I'm starting to sweat.

And she says in her monotone voice "Eye color: Brown.

images of my past coolness

It takes a strong sense of self to parent teens.

It can get down right disheartening sometimes. The old self confidence can end up in the gutter.

Always being told you're "embarrassing" or "old" or "not cool".

Sometimes they don't need to say anything...just that look that they give you....you know what they are thinking....the same thoughts we had about our parents.

But I'm not like my parents (sorry dad) they were not cool (and I'm sure never were)! I can remember my teenagers years clearly, and I've tried to stay up on the latest trends in movies, clothes, and music. I was cool once! I was....

I tried once to tell them that I was once pretty cool....first they told me normal people don't say "cool" anymore, then they laughed a lot....I can tell they didn't believe me.

So I thought I'd pull out some old pics of me to show them how cool I used to be.


Right out of high school I did some modeling....

Played some professional hockey on the side....had to quit because it was hard on my teeth....

I had a short but successful movie career....

I'm sure you remember me in these blockbusters!!

I dated Beckham for a while....but you know how it is....gets pretty old looking at someone extremely gorgeous day after day....so he dumped me.

Had an amazing career as a rap artist....this was after I popped out a couple of kids so the sweat pants look was a good look for me....you may remember my hit "Ridin Dirty in My Mini Van"....it's was pretty "gangsta"

then I decided I need to be doing something that really made a difference in this world (really... it was this or a Victoria Secret underwear model---that's the only pics they offered that I could paste my face on).

I did have those times that I'm not real proud of.....

I don't know French and I'm a little frightened of what this sign might mean.

Oh and here is my all time low......

being Paris' BFF. I will never show my kids this one!

If you'd like some help in the "hip" department with your kids you can visit this site too.

Have a great day you cool people you!

blogging love...

This blogging thing has definitely got me intrigued.
I feel like I'm such a newbie.
I've been spending time (a lot of time...shhh, don't tell my hubbie) looking around the blogosphere....can you say addicting?


There is clearly some kind of blogger etiquette....
I just haven't figured it out yet.


Like followers....I'd like some more of those.....please....
I know people are reading but how do you get them to "follow" you?


And to comment or not? That is the question....I don't want to seem like a stalker on some of the blogs I like to read everyday (cuz I don't know these people)....but I know I appreciate comments....and everyday (thank you Kim and Pam!!!!)


And I'm wondering if I put too much information out there. Is it safe? It would be pretty easy to figure out exactly where I live.....and what about my kids? While blog bouncing (someone give me the correct term...please!) I've noticed that lots of people refer to their kids by initials or by number or by nickname (it has to be nicknames or I'm really scared what people are naming their kids now a days). Should I go back and remove my kids real names?


I signed up for this service that I noticed a lot of the other blogs I've stumbled upon have. It's called Sitemeter. While I love that fact (and am encouraged to keep going) that I can see people are visiting my site, it is also a little disturbing. There is an area where I can see just how people found my blog....even the phrases they typed into google. Yikes! Lets just say my post on Cavalia part 3 has some interesting hits....and I thought that I was very vague in how I worded that post as to not attract any creepers....boy was I wrong! All it takes is a series of words to appear somewhat close together and bam you got freaks (mine was girl, innocent, and beautiful---oh great now they will get this post---go away creepers nothing for you on this lame little site!!!)



But there is definitely a tight blogging community. Lots of blog love passed around (I'm talking about encouragement and friendship). Because blogging can be a little scary. Writing something and putting it out there for everyone to see (my friend Pam likens it somewhat to giving birth). And I've never tried to write something for other people to read except some letters back in the olden days....before email, texting, and cell phones. But I've always wanted to try....and here there is a whole community of people who are willing to say 'hey I took a minute and read your post'....and that's pretty cool.

Anyways, I feel like I need some blog guru to guide me. I have so many questions....I'd be a good little minion....I swear.

Don't you forget about me....

I've been doing a lot of reminiscing lately about high school...

Maybe it's facebook and catching up with all these people that I haven't been in contact with in over 20 years.

Maybe it's because of my 40th birthday is looming right around the corner....can you say midlife crisis?

Maybe it's because my kids are at an age that I remember so well....and that is frightening in it's self.

Then I heard that John Hughes died this week. Talk about getting all nostalgic.
For better or worse John Hughes' movies shaped my teenage years.

He wrote and directed movies like Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, and many others. In the 80's these movies that were written from a teenagers point of view were pretty right on (well, maybe not Ferris Bueller's Day Off--that one was a little out there). Each movie a little bit of something that we could all relate to.

In Sixteen Candles I could relate to the character Samantha. Feeling awkward (didn't we all when we were teens?). Feeling misunderstood by my family and sometimes completely ignored (how I longed for a Brady Bunch moment when I would go to my room upset and my parents would come in and we could talk it out and have a happy ending in 30 minutes).Or the unrequited crush on the guy who didn't even know you existed. I even had an eerily similar incident as Sam when my grandmother "assessed" my "development" and discuss it loudly in front of all the extended family at Thanksgiving....oh! the horror! Of course Hughes movies had things that were over the top....like the exchange student Long Duk Dong....or the geek, Ted, being trapped in the coffee table all night. But that's part of what made them so fun to watch.

I didn't really care for the movie Pretty in Pink. I was crazy in love with Andrew McCarthy and hated his character in the movie. I actually rooted through out the movie for the main character Andie to end up with the geek Dukie Dale. He was head over heels in love with her the whole movie and so sweet, then gives her up at the end. Yuck. But the movie did a pretty good job showing how our friends and peers influence the choices we make.

The Breakfast Club, with a group of kids from different cliques in Saturday detention, taught us that we all have our insecurities and not so perfect home lives and how we all just want to fit in. That there is always more going on than what people see on the outside. It was all taught with humor, outrageous scenes and good music (or at least I thought so at the time).

Of course a lot of Hughes' movies were just plain silly, like Vacation, Home Alone, Weird Science, and Uncle Buck. I didn't realize all the movies he had either written or produced until I googled him after he died.

Too bad he's not around to make some coming-of-age movies for my up coming midlife crisis.

How about a movie about a 40ish mom who can't sleep because of her hormones going crazy? Or the trials and tribulations of dealing with multiple teenagers...there could be a lot of humor behind that. The struggles with wrinkles and gravity. Fading eyesight and memory. There could be a scene with some cool music going on when she has one of her hot flashes?

I'm sure more funny movies would have come from him if he hadn't died so young. Thanks Mr. Hughes for all the 80's memories and laughs.

get your hands off my facebook!

I have this on-going argument with my 4 kids.

Actually, I have quite a few, but I don't want to bore you.

We argue about proper facebook etiquette.

Apparently, listed in the areas that I'm "embarrassing" as the mother of teenagers, my facebook usage is right at the top....don't worry....I'm used to being the cause of blushes and rolling eyes....of being flat out told "OMGosh Mom! will you please just stop!"....it doesn't hurt my feeling anymore....sniff, sniff, sob....NOT!

See, Nae (my college senior) argues with me that facebook was originally developed for her age group...college kids-to keep in touch (yeah,I know that, so what?) and that now all these old people are getting in on it. And we use it all wrong!

My other kids agree, apparently they think that all the commenting we do on each others posts is silly (not their word but mine- of course). Or the conversations we have on each others "walls" is not right. Oh! and saying what we are doing in our status and leaving it up.....the list goes on and on.....

If you ask me (and you're here reading my blog, so....) facebook is so much more useful to us "old" people. I've been in touch with people I haven't seen or talked to in 20+ years....my kids, on the other hand, are checking up on people they saw in school or at the mall 2 hours ago.

Facebook has been great, no only for reconnecting to those people I haven't seen in forever but also for easing the pain of relocating. Seeing the faces and "on goings" of my friends back home makes me feel a little less lonely for them as compared to past moves I experienced.

I can only imagine how great facebook would have been during those days when my kids were tots and I felt like a prisoner in my own home...

I do have my own personal "rules of facebook decorum".

Here's a few.

#1. I don't friend request my kids friends ( I do enjoy embarrassing my kids on purpose once and a while {don't tell them that, I'll deny it...yes I will!} but I can just imagine the fall out...."Mom my friends want to know why you are friend requesting them...are you trying to kill me? Please stop!"). I do have a few of my kids friends, but they requested me....I'll admit, when I get that request I feel "oh so cool"....they like me....they must really like me!.....actually it's probably for other reasons (see #3).

#2 I don't facebook stalk my kids...that's a lie...I do and it's SOOO fun!....sorry, I'm being embarrassing. I'll stop now.

#3 I don't friend request people just to get a really high number of friends...I have a feeling I've been requested for that reason by others (see #1)....but that's ok.

#4 I don't publish every single thing I do....some stuff-- if people wanna see it they'll find it in my profile eventually. I think of fb as my own personal area to decorate....since my husband won't let me at home (but that's a whole other blog post).

Don't get me wrong, I think facebook is great for my kids too (most of the time)...ok wait....reconsidering that....

Facebook is good for the kids headed off to college to stay in touch. I'm not very convinced it is beneficial to my middle/high school kids. I think they probably see more junk than is helpful.

Maybe my kids need to be a little more grateful that I've even allowed them to have a facebook page! Yeah! And if their gonna keep insulting me on how I use my facebook maybe I'll just take theirs away! Yeah! I have the power....yes I do...

What I'd like is for us to all live in facebook harmony. You use your facebook however you want and I'll use my facebook however I want. An "old, embarrassing, totally uncool" mom can dream (can't she?).

soccer practice and the good year blimp

Tony had his first soccer practice last evening for his new travel soccer team that he will be playing on here in IL. It wasn't really practice, it was "conditioning" run by some random guy who works for the soccer organization. The only reason I make the distinction here is because if it was practice then I'm sure the coach would have introduced him to the other players and poor Tony would have had a lot less anxiety.

You could see the pain and tension on his face as he tried to "juggle" his ball and edge closer to the other kids. It was painful for me to watch! What's a mom to do?

Grab my camera and take some pictures of his pain....

It didn't work too well....

I'm not gonna blame it all on my camera this time either (but I really, really, really want a new camera)

See, I was also trying to "fit in" there at soccer.

There was a group of soccer moms to my left...in a circle looking amazing similar to this picture....talking and laughing. And there's me nonchalantly trying to edge closer, hoping to just blend into their circle.

I didn't want them to see me taking pictures of soccer conditioning....Who in their right mind takes a picture of their kid at soccer conditioning? eehhmmm....so picture me hiding my little pocket camera...in my pocket....looking over at the group of soccer moms to make sure no one was watching.....and quickly raising it to snap a quick pic before anyone would see me. Yep, that's how sad I am.

But then the most amazing thing happened....well, I thought it was amazing. There above us is the Good Year Blimp! It just circled over the soccer field for about 40 minutes. I was mesmerized....forget fitting in....forget my child's pain and anxiety.....it's the Good Year Blimp! I sat for about 10 minutes trying to decide how to describe the sound it made. See the only time I've ever seen a blimp is at The Big House and there always happens to be 107,501+ screaming fans. I've never actually heard one before. I decided big push lawn mower is the best description.

After my initially wonder and amazement wore off....maybe 20 minutes later....hey what can I say? I realized that none of the other soccer moms were even looking at the Good Year Blimp. So I began to wonder, is it normal for the Good Year Blimp to circle the soccer fields in Chicago? Are they so used to it that it's no big deal?

So I had to do the same "hide the camera in the pocket, make sure no one is looking, quick snap a picture" routine again....hey! I may be spending a lot of time with these women....I don't want them to know how weird I am right off the bat!

So after watching the Good Year Blimp circle, dip, descend, and rise over and over I came to the conclusion that they must be practicing landing. I imagined the new pilot....I'll call her 'Tori'....hey it's my imagination...get your own Good Year Blimp!.....nervously gliding the blimp toward the ground....and the more experience pilot....I'll call him 'Mr Yang' (he was my driver's training teacher in H.S. and he had the most calm voice)....saying "that's right, just bring it down slowly, good job Tori! ok now lets go up again"....excuse my lack of technical blimp terms....I was just daydreaming....

Anyways, I never did get any closer to that group of soccer mom's. Tony did just fine even though I'm not sure he really talked to anyone either. I'll try harder next time, when I'm not so distracted by blimps.