Last evening I got a call from Beth, she's one of the other moms from Tonys soccer team.
Tony's team had an away soccer game and Beth and I had exchanged some e-mails about carpooling.
Beth said something that literally bothered me all evening.
She said "you never e-mailed me back"
Not a big deal ehhh? It was huge for me.
Because I was sure that I did. When she said that my mind started chugging (you could actually hear the squeaking of gears trying to turn). I quickly tried to remember if I did e-mail her or not. I could have swore I did. I could even picture it in my mind.
Beth and I don't know each other that well yet, but I do know this about her....she's a lot more organized than I am (well, pretty much everyone is) so I immediately thought "Wow! She's probably right".
"Really?" I said. "Well, just so you know, I did e-mail you in my mind."
Yes. I actually said that.
No wonder I don't have any friends here.
I'm an idiot.
So the rest of the evening was spent obsessing over this. Do you realize how dangerous this could be? Me forgetting things is already a HUGE cause of strife in our family. It drives everyone (including the kids) crazy. And it's something that no matter what I do, I can't seem to control. I've tried everything so don't bother sending me notes like "get a day planner" or "put it in your phone". I've tried all those things and more. Sometimes I think I might have something really wrong with my brain.
But I'm already falling apart in other areas of my body that the Hubby can see....at least this is inside my head. I'm not gonna admit to something hidden in my head.
Anywho, what if, not only do I forget to do things, but I some how convince myself "in my mind" that I have actually done them?
Yes, A whole new level of forgetfulness (and I didn't think I could get any worse).
I forget birthdays. Usually I'll remember them eventually and send a belated card. But if I've convinced myself that I did send them....well, by the time the real Alzheimer's sets in I will be a lonely old woman, living with 100 cats, thinking I'm on the "Love Boat" waiting for my date with Captain Stubing, and I'll have no friends or family because they will all think I didn't love them enough to remember their birthdays.
Or how about appointments? I forget all varieties. But if I "think" I did take my kid to the doctor to get their shots and really didn't....they could get some weird disease and spread it to all the other kids in school and it will become a pandemic and I'll be like Bessie the cow, who kicked over the lantern and started the Chicago Fire and now that's the only thing she is remembered for but she probably had other good qualities.
One time I forgot two of my kids.
It was Mac and Tony. They were little (4 and 2 I think) and we went to pick Bud and Nae up from school. We all got out of the car. Mac and Tony went to play on the playground. I was chit chatting with some other moms. Bud and Nae came out and we started talking about their day. We got in the car and continued talking and drove home.
I didn't realize I was missing two kids till we got home.
Yep, "Mother of the Year" I won it that year- you can look it up.
What if I "thought" I still had my kids with me or better yet my mind convinced itself that I only had two kids to begin with....it could happen.
So these are all the things I'm thinking about last night on the way to the game, during the game, and on the way home.
That and The Hubs should probably just put me away right now.
Then I got home and checked my e-mail. I did send it.
I guess all that worrying and "what ifs" were for nothing.
Except now you see how screwed up my thinking really is.