Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The first day of the rest of my life....well, maybe

I may have mentioned just a few times how I struggle with ADD.
okay, more than just a few times.

Usually I talk about my ADD while making fun of myself.

Or how it has affected how I handle a situation.

Most of the time I can find humor in it.
But I've noticed (and my family has too) as I get older it's getting harder to deal with and not so funny any more.

I wasn't officially diagnosed with ADD until my oldest son Bud was diagnosed.
I was around 32 (I think).

I had never considered that I might have something like that (did we even have that diagnosis when we were kids?).
Up until that point, I had struggled through school, I was unorganized, forgetful, a horrible reader.

I figured that I was just stupid.

When I heard the doctors describe what ADD was and how it affected Bud, I started to notice similarities in the way I had struggled and was continuing to struggle.

I ended up going to a specialist and getting tested and diagnosed.
My doctor put me on Ritalin.

It was like a miracle drug to me.

For the first time in my life, I read a whole book.
Actually, that's when I fell in love with reading.
I read constantly trying to make up for so much lost time.

I noticed I was more organized and able to finish tasks.
I didn't forget things so often.

But I hated the way the drugs made me feel.

This was right around the time that we were going through another major relocation for The Hubby's job.

I let my prescription run out.
Didn't ask my new doctor for any more.
I learned some new coping mechanisms.

And have been getting along "okay" since then.

Well, those coping mechanisms aren't working so well anymore.
I think it has something to do with getting older (oh joy!).

So I broke down and went to the doctor and asked her about getting on some meds again.

She wanted me to be retested to help choose a medication that is right for my symptoms.
Turns out the severity of my ADD is off the charts....hmmm. that explains a lot!

So today I start on my new medication.
I'm excited to see how these new meds work for me.
I'm excited to be able to concentrate for more than 10 minutes on one thing.
I'm excited to not forget to pick my kids up from school anymore.
I'm excited to see if I can get a little more creative.

Don't worry, I'm sure there will still be lots of blog posts about how I screw things up, look at things a little off and make lots of mistakes parenting.

I'm not expecting miracles here.


sheri said...

tori, this post is magnificent!! why you would feel the least bit embarrassed about sharing your life is a bit of a mystery to me but i am so glad that you do!! i did go back and read your post about you and pam going into chicago...hilarious, but probably scary and baffling when it was happening :)
i am so hoping that the new meds work well for you! from the way you talked, the ritalin was a godsend, at first, but i never could figure out what it was that made you let the prescript run out? must have been the side effects, i'm guessing.
tell you what, how about i say a prayer instead of just 'hoping' that this new med will be what you need? God knows you're seeking some relief from all the mental chaos that goes on!
p.s. these detailed posts that you're not sure about? I LOVE THEM!! gives me a greater look into such a wonderful gal :) take care, tori!!

sheri said...

btw, your link to the october 10, 2009, on being an add blogger, was PRICELESS!!!

Jessica said...

Thank you so much for the encouragement on my blog this morning, Tori. And now let me encourage you - Taking a step to recognize that medication might be what you need is BIG. It's hard to come to that point. Believe me. I know. I fought the idea of being on antidepressants because I thought it would create a fake kind of happy, and I, too, hated the way they made me feel much of the time. After some experimenting, though, we found one that works and that appropriately balances out my kooky brain. I'm a better version of me because of it, and I believe that God smiles when we find something that helps us become more of who He created us to be. Bravo to you, and I pray that this is JUST what you need to be the best possible version of yourself. This brings to mind my favorite quote, by Soren Kirkegaard: "And now, with God's help, I shall become myself."

tea said...

I hope this new medication works out perfect for you. <3

Brian Miller said...

i am glad you shared this with us...a lot of people struggle in this area and i am sure they appreciate your transparency. taking medication is not a bad thing if it dont have to...but i would love to know what you are taking...b/c i deal in this all the time with the kids i work with...finding the right one can be quite a journey...

Sewn With Grace said...

Hi Tori, thanks for being so open about something a lot of people struggle with. I have been on medication for depression for quite awhile now and struggled with taking the meds as well. But I'm so much better when I do and my family likes me more too! :) My motto for this week has been "it is what it is" and I think it applies to taking meds too!

I Love Pretty Little Things said...

Hi Tori! I'm glad that you found a new doctor in your area, and that you are going to find some meds to help. No shame in that. :)
I Know that you will encourage so many with this post.


DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Good luck with the new medication. It's great that you are bringing attention to the fact that this is not just something that children have.

Llama said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sure that more people than you could even imagine understand your story. Im so glad to hear that the medications have helped you enjoy things in life that you had trouble experiencing before. I hope that you find a medication that makes you feel as good as it makes you perform so that you can enjoy every moment to the fullest!

Baino said...

I had no idea although I think there are better medications than Ritalin out there so good luck balancing things. Then again, I forgot to pick my son up on his first day of school and I don't have ADD, what does that say about being a bad mum? GAH