where's the delete button on this thing?

I was invited to a lovely garden Bible Study last week.
I was invited by this nice woman that I met at one of the dog parks Ace and I visit.

I was telling Mac about it the other day and she asked me who I went with.
"Kathy" I said.
"Kathy who?" Mac asked.

Blank.
I got nothing.

And adding to my distress, it seems the harder I concentrate on what I'm trying to remember, the father it gets sucked back into the depths of my murky mind.

She told me her last name the day I met her.
She said her last name when she called me.
I heard her last name a dozen or more times that morning while people introduced themselves to each other.

What is it with my memory?

It wouldn't be so frustrating if there was this general forgetfulness for all things.
But what really drives me crazy are the things that I do remember.

Completely useless things.

Like my address and phone number of the house I grew up as a little girl.

Or the word for word conversation of an old high school boyfriend pointing out my "flaws".

Or pretty much every annoying song from the 80's. (and some 70's songs....who needs to know all the words to Copacabana anyways?)

Things that I wish I could just delete.

You know make some room up there for the important stuff.

If anyone out there knows how to do this please let me know.

shopping with hormones

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I went to the grocery store yesterday to finished up my Thanksgiving dinner shopping.

I tried to plan ahead. I really did. But planning ahead is not one of my strengths.

I did my "big" shopping last Friday afternoon. I thought that I would get everything I needed and then just pop in and pick up some of the fresh stuff I didn't want to buy so far ahead of time. You know, lettuce and fruit and stuff.

But over the weekend I started realizing there were other things that I didn't realize I was low on. All big, heavy things like kitty litter, puppy food, and cat food. Hubby also asked me to buy some pop "cubes" to restock his work fridge.

The reason I'm pointing out all these heavy items is because we all know what it's like when you have a heavily loaded shopping cart and how hard it is to try maneuver it through the store isles. Then add 20 million other people who are poor-plan-aheaders like me; a bunch of insane mothers with at least 2 or 3 young children who all need naps but instead decided to bring them to the store; a few dozen old people who can hardly walk' pushing carts instead of their walkers as they shuffle along slower than a crippled snail; and my hormones.

Yep, my hormones played a big part in this shopping trip. I've decided that has got to be what is wrong with me, because I wanted to rip every one's head off at that store.

It's a good thing I wasn't carrying a loaded weapon.

I'm thinking that people should have to get a grocery shopping license just like a drivers license.

It's obvious that people need to be taught the proper way to grocery shop.

Just like anything in life, there are some rules of etiquette even for grocery shopping.

For example, the person with a bigger cart always has the right away (have you ever tried to steer one of those double-child-carrying-double-long-cart jobs?). And if the shopping carts are equal in size, the person with the largest load of items should always be yielded to. When my cart is over flowing and heavy (like yesterday) and I'm struggling to keep my momentum going and someone with one those half cart steps out in front of me, I'm tempted to pick up the speed and run them right over (and scream and "yeeha" while I do it).

And how frustrating it is when someone abandons their shopping cart in the middle of an isle to go to another area to grab something or compare prices? When I see people doing that, I like to to add a few items to their shopping cart. Let them explain to the check out lady that they really didn't want those condoms and hemorrhoid cream and aren't sure how they got in their shopping cart.

I appreciate the fact that when all these "older" men retire they want to help their wives out at the grocery store, but they are the worst of them all. They have no idea what they are doing. They block entire isle while they compare the fiber content of different brands. They walk slow, with their eyes on the shelves, banging into people, cutting others off- basically having no clue that others are in the store shopping too. At my Meijer back home "senior day" was on Tuesday and I avoided that place on that day like the plague! Yesterday they were out in full force (maybe "senior day" is Tuesdays here too hmmmm).

By the time I was weaving my way to the check out lane I felt like my blood pressure was at blow-the-top-of-my-head-off levels. Like a giant spring was twisting in my chest and ready to snap from being wound so tight. I wanted to scream, not at anyone in particular-just scream.

One solution that would be helpful, besides the grocery shopping license, is if you don't have at least 10+ years of grocery store shopping experience then you are not allowed in the store within three days of a major holiday.

And passing lanes in all isle of the store. And blinkers on shopping carts. And maybe some Valium handed out at the door. And maybe a little better planning ahead....

I just wanna blog!!!

Yep! it's that time....

I will not be doing much blogging for the month of November so that I can work on this crazy Novel in 30 days thingie.

It's hard not to procrastinate and blog instead of write for NaNoWriMo, but I'm trying!

I'm already behind, partly because I'm still playing catch up from my vacation last week (and trying to help Bud get caught up on a weeks worth of missed school due to the swine flu), and partly because I hated the first 1000 words I wrote so I threw it away.

No more throwing stuff I write away!!! I am making that vow right now because that is what I have done for years!

Today I started over and so far I'm liking this story line much better.

I'm still deathly insecure about everything that I write (and still am shocked that so many people check in on my blog everyday---I haven't said it lately, but I love you guys!!!!!!), so I'm not sure I will dare show you any of the NaNoWriMo stuff.

But I will listen to offers of bribery.

I miss all of you! Have a great day!

no privacy ever

*Warning* to my male reader and young readers: you might just want to skip this post...I didn't mean to talk about topics such as childbirth and breast feeding but I just started rambling (something I never usually do...) and it just kinda turned into that. Just so ya know. You've been warned.

Not too long ago, I was happily sitting at my computer at the kitchen table.
I was on facebook chatting with an old friend that I haven't talked since high school.


One of my kids (I won't name names) comes up from behind me and starts reading over my shoulder.


"Excuse me!" I shout as I clumsily try to cover up my conversation with my hands and body.


"Geez Mom! What are you trying to hide?" says my offspring.


And then I feel guilty.


Yeah guilty. Not because I was saying anything that I shouldn't be saying or talking to someone that I shouldn't be talking to. I actually felt guilty because I just wanted some privacy!


Obviously, I would never be allowed to read over my teens shoulder without a few choice words from them. Because well, that's just....well....duh!!!


But heaven forbid Mom should get any privacy!


Putting the two words "privacy" and "mom" in the same sentence doesn't even feel right. Because I'm a Mom then my world is all "self sacrifice" and laid out for the offspring to rummage through.

I've been a mom for 21 years now and I starting thinking back on the loss of my privacy.

Of course it all begins in the womb (Goodbye Mac, I said the "w" word she's outta here!) The privacy issue isn't so big here. Wait I take that back! Suddenly thoughts of my OB/GYN office and the lovely table with the stirrups came rushing back. (I was originally thinking that it's more about sacrifice for your kids at this stage-eating right, giving up the coffee and diet coke, etc. etc., but you're still losing your privacy and your kids are the cause.) So, yeah there's no more privacy at that point....time to start getting used to it.


Then childbirth. A whole new level of exposing yourself. I remember thinking while pregnant with my first (remember, I was just a young teen thing then) "is there any other way we can get this thing out? Eewww! Gag me with a spoon!" (it was the 80's after all...actually, I never said that. Actually, I don't think anyone ever said that in the 80's except that one movie with a hairy Nicholas Cage at the beach--I can't remember the name of it....).


Anywho, I really could have cared less about privacy once the "urge to push" came. And I'd like to have a word with whatever male doctor came up with that phrase. It's obviously a male who never gave birth because it is not an "urge" it's more like a "I have to push now or I'm gonna rip that lovely nurses head off that's standing next to me who is telling me to 'breath through it' and then I'm gonna kill my husband next for doing this to me" kinda feeling.


Then there's breast feeding. That's when your privacy is not only violated by just a few choice nurses (who are "expert breast feeders" which means that gives them the right to gab your "breast feeding equipment" in her cold hands (without warning or permission) to show you how to get the baby to "latch on"). With breast feeding your privacy can also be given up in front of visiting family, friends, and strange people at the park depending on how good you are at keeping that little blanket in place and slapping hands off the women who think it's okay to pull back the blanket and "sneak a peek".



Then, when the offspring start getting around on their own you lose bathroom privacy....I'm definitely pretty reserved and I managed to shut the door (sometimes) but I still count fingers sticking under the door and your kid yelling "I can hear you peeing Mom!" lack of privacy.



I'm also counting the fact that there were years that I didn't enjoyed anything sweet or indulgent all by lonesome when in the presence of my kids as a lack of privacy (idk maybe that's stretching it). Although now that they are older and I spend more time away from them it isn't as big as an issue but I still go to drink my diet Coke and find Mac has stolen it or I find myself wolfing down my dessert so no one else can "share" mine.

I'm on the upswing of regaining my privacy. But there are still days when I feel like I will never have it back completely. Like with the computer chatting issue. Oh yeah, and the other day when the kids found my old high school yearbook (the reason I had it out had nothing to do with facebook and not remembering people I went to high school with....I was just reminiscing....really!). My kids proceeded to look at and make fun of pictures of me. And one of them started reading what people wrote in my yearbook! If I tried to read my kids yearbooks I would be verbally assaulted for sure!

And of course, when they are all grown and gone, I will miss them and I will have an abundance of privacy. But for now. Back off please.