I will die! if you don't....

"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."


I first saw this quote when my Nae was a toddler. A friend had it framed and hanging in her kitchen. This friend is one of those mom's who seems to have it all together, all the time. She took me under her wing when I was a young single mom who didn't have a clue about anything, let alone being a good mom. She taught me a lot not only by word but by example. I would watch her with a kind of awe.


There's nothing that I ever wanted more than to be a good mom. It's obviously a hard thing to measure and one of my many weaknesses is being extremely hard on myself. Believe me, there's no one more critical of what I think, say or do than the little voice in my head.


It's also extremely dangerous to ask your teenage kids what they think of your parenting skills. I can't tell you how many broken hearted mom's I've heard recalling what their child said when they asked this question. Of course most teens will have a list of ways you can improve. They spend all kinds of time thinking about how unfair their parents are and how their life "sucks". It's a teen thing. In reality they are immature, have little life experience, and have no idea of the emotions, situations, or choices you as an parent have to face. You are only setting yourself up if you ask them that question.


That being said, if I were to die today, I feel I've done a pretty okay job. Yes, I've made lots of mistakes and I have lots of weaknesses (especially in the discipline area, for example) but that's the beauty of having a second half. Where I am weak, The Hubby is strong. And vice versa, of course.


All this serious talk aside (yes, I'm rambling) I think that if my "Wonder Mom" friend were to see me now, she would see that I have failed miserably when it comes to her quote. I hang my head in shame, as I admit, I am one of those parents who are constantly running things to their kids that they forget. Lunches, field trip money, gym clothes....you get the picture.


Yes, I've read all about the damage I am doing by allowing this. You don't need to tell me.


Each of my kids are forgetful (or unorganized) to a certain degree. Nae~only when she was overwhelmed, Bud~very rarely, Tony~once every couple of weeks maybe, and then there's Mac~oh! Mac!


The quote above seems to be written just for kids like Mac. You know, kids who are on the "dramatic" side. Most of the phone calls I get from Mac regarding this subject are frantic. Here's how one went that I got yesterday....

"Mom! I forgot _______! I will DIE if I don't turn it in today! I'm serious I will DIE! Will you please bring it?!!"


Mac has been working in the counseling office at school this semester. She was working when I went in there yesterday on this "emergency forgotten item" call. All the office ladies had obviously already heard of Mac's crisis.

"So....you're Mac's mom." the lady at the front desk said (I get this tone and look of sympathy a lot when first meeting Mac's teachers or coaches or friend's parents). All the ladies sitting at their desks behind her look up at me and nod their heads in some kind of understanding or something. (In Mac's defense, they all told me how much they love her and how much she makes them laugh.)

Mac rushes over from her desk and takes what she needs from me. Her friend Emily, is sharing her desk. She also thanks me for bringing it (so she wouldn't have to hear Mac lamenting all day about dying!!!).


That was yesterday, and wouldn't you know it, I get another call today. This one was more like "I will FAIL....blah, blah, blah"

I got the call right after she got to school this am. I thought to myself "I'll just jump in the shower and then run it over" but then on second thought.....

I went into the office this morning in my PJ's just hoping it would be the time when classes are changing. The ladies in the office seem so sweet and understanding (they DO work with teens all day).
I said "yes, I got another emergency call this morning. I don't want her to die!"
"Oh, well yes" she says in her sweet understanding voice "well, when does she need this?"
"Not until last hour" I said. "I could have showered first but I was hoping you guys could help me out. Could you just tell her how lovely I looked in my PJ's? Make it sound like I looked really embarrassing (I did). Maybe throw out the name of one of the cute boys in the school and say that I had a lovely conversation with him in the hall."

Who knows, maybe this will be the last call I get.

I cry over the dumbest things!

I know that I've blogged before about how I'm sentimental about some strange things.

They are actually a couple of my favorite posts.

If you missed them and you're interested (or really bored) you can read them by clicking Here and Here.

But this past week I started to think there is seriously something wrong with me.

I won't go into a bunch of sad stuff but let's just say it was a week filled with things that a normal person would have gone through the Kleenex in bulk.

Not me. I had nothin'.

It's not that I didn't feel anything. I just didn't feel like I could cry.

Then a few nights ago, The Hubby and I were watching TV.

Have you ever seen that show on TLC called Overhaulin?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, they "take" some one's wreck of a car (usually there's some sentimental feeling behind the car) and then they turn it into custom beauty.

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2006/06/overhaulin01-dok-71-challenger.jpg

And I'm on the couch boohooin' like a baby (and trying to hide it).

Afterwards, I really started to question if there is something wrong with me.

I can't cry at a funeral or with one of my hurting kids but I cry every time I watch this TV stupid show?

I know I've said I'm sentimental about my cars but that's usually because of the memories we've made as a family in them (I think).

It's not because I consider myself a big "car person". I wasn't a "gear head" in high school. I don't really know anything about them. I appreciate their beauty. That's about it.

So why do I have all this emotion around vehicles but not the normal stuff?

http://web.wm.edu/amst/370/2005/sp1/images/lucy%20doctor%20stand.jpg?svr=www

My diet....going down in flames!

Dear guy who invented South Beach Diet,

I hate you.

I'm hating you so much right now that I'm not even willing to google you to figure out your real name.

That's all I want to say.

Thank you.

Tori the carb addict.

This is my third time using The South Beach Diet plan.

I'm so good at it now that I don't need to look at the book anymore (hence me not remembering the guys name).

As I've said before, I am an accomplished yo-yo dieter.

South Beach is my favorite yo-yoing trick. It's easier than walking the dog.

Except this past week. See, it was my birthday. Well, not really. It was the day I finally got to celebrate my birthday with my dad and Ann. My dad is a fisherman extraordinaire and Ann does a mean fish fry. So if there is one meal I want for my birthday it's the fish my dad caught.

Unfortunately, fried fish doesn't really fit in the South Beach phase one plan. And I was on like day 9 of phase one (which means I was almost done and could move on to the "good carbs"). And when you cheat, you basically have to start over again--it's pure torture!!!

So I blew it.

And when I blow it, my mind starts thinking "well, if I'm gonna blow it, I should just blow it big!".

I mean who wants wants to go down smoldering? I want flames baby!

Big huge chocolate cake and fried fish FLAMES!

But then after I blew it that one day (which was last Wednesday), I looked ahead at my week and well, Sunday was not too far away. And we were having a pot luck on Sunday at our house.

Pot lucks.....who doesn't love a good pot luck. And just to be sure I would have a really good pot luck experience, I made all my favorites. (Flames! I want big ones remember)

This time it was white chicken chili with sweet cheesy corn bread muffins. Oh! and homemade mac and cheese from Mary at Deep South Dish. And I will tell you this, The Hubs loved that mac and cheese so much that he actually said this...."This mac and cheese is so good that it's worth you blogging!"

For all of you who don't know, The Hubs does not like my blogging. That's quite the compliment!

The pot luck was awesome and someone brought a whole chocolate cake from Portillo's. If you've never had chocolate cake from Portillo's you should go and get some right this minute. It's insanely evil, it's so good!

So now, I have a house full of left overs because I made too much food. And I have issues with throwing away perfectly good food (it's another one of those issues from being raised in Holland, MI and being surrounded by cheap Dutch people).

It will take me at least 4 days to finish off all this food (by myself).

And then.....I'm going to Florida next Tuesday with my girl friend. No one should be on a diet when you are on vacay.

And if I'm gonna go down in flames.....

on being an ADD blogger...

This blogging thing and ADD, I'm not so sure they go together.

To blog is not only about writing fantastic posts (ummm, or at least attempting to), it's also about reading other bloggie friends posts, showing bloggie love (ie. thoughtful comments), returning e-mails to bloggie friends, and exploring and finding new bloggie friends.

All of this can be very time consuming. For those of us with ADD, it can swallow your whole day (without you even realizing it)!

Here's a little view into how my brain operates while trying to do bloggie related activities yesterday. When I say "Me" what I'm really talking about is my conscious intentions. When I say "My ADD" -well, that is that part of my brain I seem to have very little control of.

Me: I'm gonna check my e-mail and see if I have an comments on my post from yesterday

in the process of logging in the puppy pees on the floor

Me: CRAP!

clean up pee and uselessly take puppy outside (he has already done what he needed to do)

Me: looking at my computer screen Now what was I gonna do?

My ADD: Let's read some blogs!

Me: Oh yeah! That was it.

clicks on blog reading list

Me: let's start from the top shall we?....Oh look! rxBambi has a new post!

My ADD: Ooo!Ooo!Oooo! Look at the pretty pictures of flowers Tootsie posted! Let's skip rxBambi and go back to her later!

clicks on Tootsie's blog

Me: Wow! Look at the stuff she has in her green house. Man, I think I kinda hate her a little... (not really Tootsie)

My ADD: hey!hey!hey! she has a Mister Linky Widget thingie! Let's take a quick peek at a couple of these and see....Whoa! Thoughtfully Blended Hearts....that's sounds like a nice place to visit.

clicks on the link

Me: This is a nice place, pretty flowers.....

My ADD: Ooo!Ooo!Oooo! lookie at that picture! It's kinda sparklely!

2 hours later and after 20 million clicks on links and pictures and brightly colored words....

Me: {{Dazed and Confused}}Where am I? Whose blog am I reading? How did I end up here? What time is it?

My ADD: No! Wait! Look at that! There's Otin on her reading list too! He must be good, it's like the third time I've seen him mentioned today and rxBambi reads him too....

Me: rxBambi! ugghh I forgot rxBambi!

clicks back to my dashboard so I can go to rxBambi's blog

My ADD: Ooo!Ooo!Oooo! We have a new follower! Let's just peek and see who it is....

an all new level of insanity

Last evening I got a call from Beth, she's one of the other moms from Tonys soccer team.

Tony's team had an away soccer game and Beth and I had exchanged some e-mails about carpooling.

Beth said something that literally bothered me all evening.

She said "you never e-mailed me back"

Not a big deal ehhh? It was huge for me.

Because I was sure that I did. When she said that my mind started chugging (you could actually hear the squeaking of gears trying to turn). I quickly tried to remember if I did e-mail her or not. I could have swore I did. I could even picture it in my mind.

Beth and I don't know each other that well yet, but I do know this about her....she's a lot more organized than I am (well, pretty much everyone is) so I immediately thought "Wow! She's probably right".

"Really?" I said. "Well, just so you know, I did e-mail you in my mind."

Yes. I actually said that.

No wonder I don't have any friends here.

I'm an idiot.

So the rest of the evening was spent obsessing over this. Do you realize how dangerous this could be? Me forgetting things is already a HUGE cause of strife in our family. It drives everyone (including the kids) crazy. And it's something that no matter what I do, I can't seem to control. I've tried everything so don't bother sending me notes like "get a day planner" or "put it in your phone". I've tried all those things and more. Sometimes I think I might have something really wrong with my brain.

But I'm already falling apart in other areas of my body that the Hubby can see....at least this is inside my head. I'm not gonna admit to something hidden in my head.

Anywho, what if, not only do I forget to do things, but I some how convince myself "in my mind" that I have actually done them?

Yes, A whole new level of forgetfulness (and I didn't think I could get any worse).

I forget birthdays. Usually I'll remember them eventually and send a belated card. But if I've convinced myself that I did send them....well, by the time the real Alzheimer's sets in I will be a lonely old woman, living with 100 cats, thinking I'm on the "Love Boat" waiting for my date with Captain Stubing, and I'll have no friends or family because they will all think I didn't love them enough to remember their birthdays.

Or how about appointments? I forget all varieties. But if I "think" I did take my kid to the doctor to get their shots and really didn't....they could get some weird disease and spread it to all the other kids in school and it will become a pandemic and I'll be like Bessie the cow, who kicked over the lantern and started the Chicago Fire and now that's the only thing she is remembered for but she probably had other good qualities.

One time I forgot two of my kids.

yes two.

It was Mac and Tony. They were little (4 and 2 I think) and we went to pick Bud and Nae up from school. We all got out of the car. Mac and Tony went to play on the playground. I was chit chatting with some other moms. Bud and Nae came out and we started talking about their day. We got in the car and continued talking and drove home.

I didn't realize I was missing two kids till we got home.

Yep, "Mother of the Year" I won it that year- you can look it up.

What if I "thought" I still had my kids with me or better yet my mind convinced itself that I only had two kids to begin with....it could happen.

So these are all the things I'm thinking about last night on the way to the game, during the game, and on the way home.

That and The Hubs should probably just put me away right now.

Then I got home and checked my e-mail. I did send it.

I guess all that worrying and "what ifs" were for nothing.

Except now you see how screwed up my thinking really is.

sucker parenting 101

I'm just gonna say it before anyone else does.

I'm weak.

I've been manipulated.

I'm a horrible parent.

I'm a sucker.....

I'll admit it flat out....I let my younger kids do things I never would have let my oldest kid do (sorry Nae).

Case in point.

Letting Mac go with a bunch of girls and paint her belly with a letter for the first football game.

I can see all my old friends back home shaking their heads right now. I'm sure they are thinking that we let the Chicago burb thing influence us....I don't know, but I'd like to try and explain....

Mac spent the last two weeks begging us to let her do this.

When she first asked her dad, I think his exact words were "over my dead body".

Mac is good.....BUT....she gets her skills from her daddy.

I think I've told you before that my hubby is an excellent arguer. After 19 years of marriage, I have given up on ever thinking I will win one against him. That is why he is such a good sales man and is so successful at his job.

Poor guy, never did he expect to pass off that gift to one of his offspring....especially his BABY girl!

So I just stepped back and let them go at it!

Hubby and I would lay in bed and I would quietly give my input, but during the day I stayed out of it.

It was actually quite humorous to watch them battle it out.

conversation #1

Mac: "Please daddy" (Dear Hubby and I learned a long time ago that when the girls want something bad they resort to calling him "daddy". We don't fall for it anymore....well, at least I don't...he still turns to mush) "everyone is doing it!"

Hubby: "Well, I guess you'll be the only one not doing it then."

end of conversation

conversation #22

Mac: "Please daddy....it's not like it's the worst thing in the world....I will cover up the rest of my body so you hardly will see any skin!"

Hubby: "You won't have to worry about covering anything up because you're not doing it!"

end of conversation

conversation #357

Mac: "Please daddy....I could be out doing other things like drinking, doing drugs, and having sex.....but I'm not! You have no idea what a good girl I am!"

Hubby: "Yes and you won't be doing this either!"

end of conversation

Obviously, Mac was victorious. Some people out there will say that Mac wins a lot. But you don't live with her and see our daily victories....and hopefully they are the important victories. And hopefully the battles we choose to let her "win" won't mess her up for life. We can only try and do the best we can do.

I told you this wasn't a "how to parent your teens" blog.

Pretty tastefully done, if belly painting can ever be called "tasteful".
Ha!

Thanks for checking in today. Have a great weekend!

secrets

I'm feeling pretty guilty.

And so I've been spending the last few days beating myself up.

I did something I shouldn't have done.

What's the best way to beat yourself up? Blog about it, so it's out there in the blogosphere and anyone who happens on it can read it and think your just as much of a jerk as you think you are!

My 20 y/o daughter, Nae, told me somethings over the phone that were supposed to be private and I may have "accidentally" told some people.

Ok, I blabbed. I couldn't help it! It was very exciting news! (no. I'm not gonna tell you what it is...but Oh! I'd love to! Believe me I'd really love to...).

I made the mistake of telling my 15 y/o daughter, Mac, who was then hurt that her big sister didn't tell her before telling her mom. I think her exact words were "she told YOU that before ME!....YOU! her MOTHER! before her sister?! (funny how she did use any other adjectives in that sentence....like "lame" or "embarrassing" or "old" but just by the way she said that sentence I felt them all implied! can anyone relate out there? can you?....)

I knew immediately that I screwed up majorly. Why can't we take words back? I know the whole analogy...like trying to put toothpaste back into a toothpaste tube. But I still wish I could. The saddest part is knowing that she will never come to me again with those secrets. Secrets that I just felt I was being allowed in on. Now that she is growing up and appreciating me more as someone she can talk to....and I go and blow it.

Dear Hubby and Mac were teasing me yesterday (which didn't help my horrible guilty feelings and sadness btw). They were saying that I can never keep a secret. So I was racking my brain trying to think of times when I've keep a really good secret. And most of the examples I came up with I can hear myself telling Hubby "okay I'm not supposed to tell you this...." or Lori "this is just between us right?".

Wow! I suck at keeping secrets! If you want anything kept private DON'T TELL ME!

But I will make one statement in my defense. Nae didn't start her secret sharing conversation with her usual "don't tell anyone! not even dad!". So I really didn't think it was all that secret.....ok that's pretty lame, I know.....but I have kept some secrets that she has told me that have started with me swearing that I wouldn't tell anyone (not even dad)....I swear....like the time she told me....Oh! wait....can't tell you that (see how good I am?!)