A Time To Sing Again

I have finally given in.

After years of complaining (my husband and kids), insults (my teens), and embarrassing moments (the list is way to long),

I broke down and scheduled surgery to have my hearing fixed.

I have mentioned my hearing loss in past posts.

I usually talk about the benefits of being deaf in one ear and having a mild to moderate hearing loss in the other.

~not having to wear ear plugs to bed anymore to block out the Hubby's snoring.

~not hearing the trains or loud teens or puppy's ringing bells in the middle of the night.

~the wonderful excuse to use on my teens "I never agreed to that! I must not have heard you correctly!"

When I was diagnosed with Otosclerosis in my mid 20's it didn't really bother me.

I was just having trouble hearing what some people were saying (I thought everyone had suddenly taken up mumbling just to annoy me).

Over the years it has slowly progressed.

I remember asking my ENT doctor how I would know when I was ready for surgery.

He said "You won't but you're family will let you know. Your hearing loss will drive them crazy."

Such wise words.

If I can judge correctly, I'd say my family has been ready for at least 5 years.

But I'm just chicken.

My solution?

Just don't go to the doctor anymore.

See what I mean about chicken?

But there comes a time when it all adds up and you get tired of it.

Tired of not feeling included in conversations.

Tired of your kids rolling their eyes every time they have to repeat what they say two or three times.

Tired of always having to consider where you sit in a lecture or where you stand in a group of people.

Tired of putting a smile on your face when you have no idea what someone just said and in your mind you are going through all the possible things you can say instead of "what?" or "pardon" or "sorry, I didn't hear you" (it gets really old).

I guess what I'm saying is the bad is finally outweighing the good.

There are things that have also "snuck up" on me, you could say.

Things that had changed over time that I didn't really notice.

A big one is being able to hear my own voice.

It's difficult to explain (and I could be explaining it completely wrong) but I think it is because I can no longer hear my voice through my ears effectively so mostly, I hear myself in my head (no, I'm not hearing voices in my head-I know what you're thinking).

I guess the best way to put it is, that I don't sound like myself.

I think that is why I have slowly stopped singing.

I used to love to sing.

In choirs, in church, in the car while listening to the radio.

But I feel like I don't trust what I sound like

and what I do hear, I don't like.

I will be having my stapes bone removed and a prosthetic device implanted on December 1st.

And the first thing I look forward to doing is singing again.

missing my blueberries

I'm headed back to Kalamazoo this weekend.
Nae is a bridesmaid in a wedding.

I can't decide what I'm more excited about....

seeing a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a while

or

blueberries.

I have been waiting for Michigan blueberry season since February

That's when I ran out.

Every year I freeze a bunch.

I eat them every morning in my oatmeal.

Mac and the Hubby love blueberry pie

I make a lot of those

they will fight over them.

Tony likes it when I boil the blueberries down and make a sauce for his pancakes.

I haven't found blueberries here in Illinois like the ones back in Michigan.
Maybe other states have ones just as good.
I just haven't had them.

Blueberries that are huge and sweet.

This year I've decided I will bring home 40 pounds.

Sounds like a lot but we'll see...

Have a great weekend everyone!

A new "baby" in the family!

Imagine my surprise to find out that Mac is like me when it comes to sentimental feelings for cars (the first of my four kids that I'm aware of). If you're new to this blog you can read about it here and here.

The Hubby has been looking for a car for her for quite some time now. Just a few days ago we found a great car newly listed on-line and we jumped right on it.

Mac saw pictures and immediately fell in love.

Right away she began talking about whether the car was a boy or a girl and what to name it. That's when I knew....she is just like me! and I felt my chest swell with pride and wiped a tear from my eye.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about or have never known the joy of naming your car then I'm not sure I can explain. Obviously, your car has to have a name when you talk to it while driving. And if it ever gives you trouble, gently cooing it's name while rubbing the dashboard always helps.

My first car "Betsy" would cough and sputter when going up large hills. Most mornings she would grumble and groan and refuse to start without a little sweet talk. I'm sure that if she didn't hear all my words of encouragement she never would have made it the many years that she did. I will never forget that horrible day when while driving her pieces just started falling off and she started leaking fluids (We can all image how terrifying it is to get old and start losing some of our "parts" and leaking "fluids").

She had a good run.

RIP Betsy.

We decided Mac would have to drive it first to really know if it's a boy or a girl and maybe the name will come after she figures that out.

When we went and looked at the car a couple days ago the man selling it said it was his daughters car that she got when she was a teenager. He said that she was probably going to cry when it sold. I knew right then and there that this was the car for Mac. You could tell just by looking at it how loved it had been. We assured him that we would love it and take very good care of it.

Hubby and Mac went last night to pick it up. I was dropping Bud off for a spring break mission trip. I wish I could have been there to witness what Hubby described to me later. He said the daughter was there to say goodbye to the car. She told Mac how happy someone was going love it as much as she did. That's when Mac blurted out "is it a boy or a girl and did you give it a name?". The girl seemed so happy and answered "yes! It's a girl and her name is 'Baby Saturn'!".

She then proceeded to show Mac all the details of the car and how everything worked. Mac was so excited and happy.

I have no doubts that it is the beginning of a beautiful relationship!

On a bit of a sad note....

To make room for the new "Baby" we sold "Midge"

sniff. sniff. We didn't have her for long but we all loved driving her. She is going to a great home where she will be loved and restored! Goodbye Midge!

It's been a long three weeks

I obviously haven't blogged in a while.

Honestly, I couldn't concentrate to write.

Not to go into a bunch of boring details, but I've spent the last three weeks seeing a few different doctors and having and some tests done.

And waiting. Lots of waiting.

Oh.... and freaking out too! Thanks to talk of cancer by a couple of doctors.

But after lots of poking, prodding, x-raying, scoping, and CTing, the oncologist finally said no cancer-- just some weird allergy thingie.

Even though I'm a nurse by training, I truly underestimated the word "cancer". How even the prospect of it becoming part of your reality can throw your life into a tail spin.

It's amazing what the mind will do when it hears that word.

All the "what if's" enter your head, elbowing their way to the front of your mind. They compete for space forcing out any other thoughts, making it difficult to think straight.

The aches and pains of the past are recalled. They pull an "Arnold Horshack", raising their hand for attention shouting "Ooooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh!" thinking they might be included in the strange list of symptoms.

And let's not forget "Fear". No matter how hard you try to keep him locked in that little room at the back of your mind, he still breaks free- tapping you on the shoulder when you least expect it and whispering "boo..." just to get your heart racing.

Of course, not all the stuff bouncing around in my head was bad.

Life is brought back into perspective.

The priority list is reconsidered, edited, revised.

Faith, family, friends, love....

A new appreciation for the little things is born.

I'm off to walk with Ace and look for the budding signs of spring.

I hope you take a second and look for it today too.

I just wanna blog!!!

Yep! it's that time....

I will not be doing much blogging for the month of November so that I can work on this crazy Novel in 30 days thingie.

It's hard not to procrastinate and blog instead of write for NaNoWriMo, but I'm trying!

I'm already behind, partly because I'm still playing catch up from my vacation last week (and trying to help Bud get caught up on a weeks worth of missed school due to the swine flu), and partly because I hated the first 1000 words I wrote so I threw it away.

No more throwing stuff I write away!!! I am making that vow right now because that is what I have done for years!

Today I started over and so far I'm liking this story line much better.

I'm still deathly insecure about everything that I write (and still am shocked that so many people check in on my blog everyday---I haven't said it lately, but I love you guys!!!!!!), so I'm not sure I will dare show you any of the NaNoWriMo stuff.

But I will listen to offers of bribery.

I miss all of you! Have a great day!

The Monday Morning Mindset

While blog reading this morning I went over to Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom and read DiPaola's post.


She's giving away some of that new Starbucks coffee VIA. (Dang! I wish I could do a product review like that one--they also gave her an awesome coffee mug and you know my "issue" with coffee mugs).


To enter her contest you need to tell her why you hate Mondays. Ughhh! I can't even do that, because I love Mondays!

I have loved Mondays for as long as I can remember. But loving Mondays can be a dangerous thing.

People LOVE to hate their Mondays. And as far as the ratio of "Monday Haters" to "Monday Lovers", well, I'm not sure there has been any official study, but it's gotta be something like 100,000 to 1 (at least!). As a kid, it took me a while to figure this out.

So now, looking back, I can see that because I loved my Mondays I was treated differently.


My earliest feelings of fondness for Mondays was in grade school....there's me skipping to the bus stop enjoying the beautiful Monday morning only to have the bus stop bully throw rocks at me. I used to think it was because I was a dork....now I know it's because I was loving my Mondays too openly.

Then there's me in third grade. It's Monday morning, I'm sitting at my little desk smiling, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Looking around I see some kids are sleeping with their foreheads resting on their desk and drool puddling beneath their mouths. Other kids are zoned out like little zombies. Then I notice other kids glaring at me for no apparent reason....

And those awkward middle school years? Trouble getting a boyfriend? That one boy always snapping my training bra strap. Definitely Monday Lovers intolerance!

In high school- how different my life would have been if I could have started a Monday Lovers clique. We could have had our own table in the cafeteria, maybe a secret handshake and t-shirts. Yeah we would have been cool!

Now 20+ years post high school, I find out (on facebook) that Bart Z. would have joined my group. He is so brave, he always posts things about his love for Mondays and always gets razzed for it.

I'm not ready to be that public yet.