My sister Alex

Today I want to tell you about my sister Alex.

I debated talking about her because I don't want to be all sad on my blog. I usually try to keep things pretty cheery around here.

For those of you who don't know, Alex was killed in a car accident 20 years ago this year. She died on June 24th, 1989. She was 16 years old.

Today is my sister's birthday. Some people might say "today would have been my sister's birthday". But today will always be the day of her birth. Just like when people ask if I have any sisters, I don't say "I used to have a sister but I don't anymore". I say "yes, but she died in a car accident". To me, I will always have a sister.

I'd like to tell you about my relationship with my sister because I feel it was pretty unusual. The story may sound pretty crazy but it's true.

I was only 3 years older than Alex so I don't have any memories of her birth. The oldest memory that I have is of me crawling under Alex's crib to be close to her because I had a nightmare. Over the years I had a lot of these nightmares. They were always different but the end was always the same, watching Alex die and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I continued to have these dreams throughout Alex's life time.

Because of these dreams, I had an intense love for Alex. It's hard to describe, but I almost felt as though I appreciated her more. Growing up, people would comment on how close we were. We didn't fight like most sisters.

Our parents divorced when we were pretty young. This only made us closer. Alex and I talked about everything. She knew all my secrets and I knew all hers and we loved each other unconditionally. I knew I could ask her a question and she would always give me an honest answer. No matter what either of us did we were always there for each other.

Alex was very different from me. She was full of personality. She was out going and extremely funny. I always marveled at her quick and funny come backs when she joked with people. She made friends easily and had a lot of them. She was comfortable talking to anyone and everyone.

The summer before her freshman year of high school, the decision was made that she should go live with my dad and step mom, Ann. My brother and I remained with our mother about an hour away. It was a good move for Alex. While living with our mother, we were unsupervised and completely out of control, but my brother and I refused to move. This was really tough on Alex and I and we missed each other terribly. But we saw each other on weekends.

Right around that time, my dad and Ann started attending a church where they heard about Jesus and about having a personal relationship with Him. Alex also started babysitting for a family from that church. Rhonda, the mother, was a wonderful, godly woman for Alex to have in her life. Alex talked to her about things going on at school, situations with friends. And Alex loved their daughter Joslyn.

The end of Alex's sophomore year, one of her friends was killed in a car accident. This had a big impact on Alex and she spent some time talking about this with Rhonda. Alex was thinking about what happen to people after they died. Rhonda explained to Alex about heaven and the gift of eternal life through a relationship with Jesus. Later, Alex would tell me all about this conversation and how she, later that day, prayed to accept Christ as her personal savior.

This was a big moment in our relationship. It was during this time, my freshman year in college, that I got pregnant. I ended up dropping out of school and moving in with my dad and Ann on one condition, I had to go to church with them every week. After long talks with Alex about church and what we believed, I too became a Christian. Alex and I grew even closer during this time. She supported me through the end of the relationship between me and my babies biological father. She shopped with me for baby things. She picked out my daughters name. She was in the delivery room with me.

After my daughter was born, I moved into an apartment across the street from Alex's high school. Alex spent a lot of time with me at that apartment and loved she her niece like crazy.

The night before Alex's accident I had another dream about her dying. This one was very vivid and really shook me up. The day of her accident, Alex had been at a teen seminar for our church. She had come home that afternoon and then headed out to a graduation open house for one of her ex-boyfriends. I was out of town that night about an hour away meeting the family of a guy I was dating.

Alex didn't stay long at the open house because she was tired. Her car went off a dirt road into a ditch less than a mile from the party. She was ejected from the car and the car flipped on landed on top of her. We were told she was killed instantly. A girl headed to the party pasted Alex's car in the ditch and went on to the party to tell them to call 911. All the people at the party ran down to the accident. It was dark and when they got there no one recognized her car. The kids looked in the vehicle and didn't see anyone so they started searching the area. Alex's ex-boyfriend came around the side of the car and saw Alex's leg sticking out and he recognized her shoe. A bunch of the kids lifted the car off Alex. One of the parents was a paramedic and he and another boy from Alex's class performed CPR on her until the helicopter came.

My dad and Ann got the call about Alex's accident from the same kids that called 911. They were able to get to the hospital before the helicopter landed. They watched as Alex was taken out of the helicopter and wheeled into the hospital with a nurse on top of her doing CPR. We were told later that the doctor and nurses were all crying when they decided to stop.

That evening I was at a church function with my boyfriend and at one point I started crying for no reason. I can't explain it but I sobbed. Later, I would find out that this sobbing was at the exact time that Alex was pronounced dead. I got the call from my dad during the middle of the night.

I'm not sure how people can live through the death of someone they love without believing that they will see them again. I truly believe that Alex is in heaven. I also believe that I was given those dreams for a reason. Because our time together was so short, there was no time wasted fighting but instead just an intense love and appreciation for each other. I have no regrets.

About 2 weeks after her accident I had a dream we were in an ice cream store together. In my dream Alex had a heart attack and fell into my arms. I sat on the floor holding her in my arms, crying. A crowd gathered around us and just looked at us. I started screaming at them "why isn't anyone helping me?" and they all just continued to stare at us. Then in the back of the crowd I saw Alex standing there. She was peeking over a tall mans shoulder. She looked me in the eyes and smiled and said "it's okay". Then she waved at me and disappeared. That was the last dream I had of Alex dying. Now when I dream of her, it's dreams of her alive and happy.

And that's the way I want to remember her.