trash talk via the welcome wagon lady

The Welcome Wagon Lady stopped by a few days ago. I didn't know they even existed anymore. In all our moves (which isn't a lot mind you), I've never had one stop by before. I knew there was such a thing because my step mom, Ann, was one way back in the 80's.

But it was great. She came in with this big basket of brochures and advice....
And she looked so "chicagoie"! She was an older retired woman. Beautifully dressed in a satiny sundress. When she wasn't out "welcoming" she must have been at the gym working out. Her hair was perfect, her nails were perfect, her jewelry coordinated perfect....nothing like me...i kinda hated her....just kidding! (ok maybe a little)

And I did have lots of questions.... Things are done a little differently around here, I could see that already.

First there was the trash issue. Back in Kalamazoo, you called one of the two trash removal companies when you moved in, they brought you a "herbie curbie", you put your garbage in it, they picked it up every Wednesday, you paid you bill monthly, the end.

Hubby and I noticed some of the neighbors had "herbies", but driving around you could also see hundreds of different "trash receptacles" (we live in a HUGE neighborhood...biggest in the state of IL...just a little factoid for you). And then we noticed these strange stickers on everyone's garbage. So I was confused, and ready to get my garbage removal services underway....considering I was up to my neck in it already!

And Hubby was obviously ready to get on with it too. He kept "reminding me" to ask one of the neighbors about the trash. There in lies another one of my "issues"....which will have to be a whole other blog entry....let's just say that I didn't do it. It slipped my mind (yeah, that's what I'll say)

So as the Welcome Wagon Lady is going through her "spiel" she pulls out a brochure on trash pick up. And I say "Oh good, I was wondering how this all works....my husband and I have some questions....." She politely interrupts and sweetly says "just read the brochure....it will explain it all...." Then she looks me in the eye, pauses and smiles and moves onto the next brochure and professionally continues with her "welcoming spiel".

I close my half open mouth like a chastised child and feel myself blush (yes! blush!) Like talking about trash is a dirty thing or something. Is talking about trash a taboo here?

It must be, because she elaborated extensively on many other non-trash topics. Don't get me wrong...it was a great visit and I learned a lot about living in the area....just nothing on trash.

So the minute she walks out the door, I grab that brochure and sit down and read it. This must be a chicagoland conspiracy....now I'm even more confused! This stupid brochure doesn't explain a thing! I bet that W.W. Lady was laughing in her little BMW as she drove away "Ha ha another sucker! Let her try and figure our trash pick up system out" I know, now I'm sounding pyschotic....I'm sure she didn't do that....

So I call the number on the brochure and speak to a professionally trained trash talker....
And she does a good job explaining it all to me. It only takes twice for me to get it....
I won't bore you with all the "trashy" details (sorry-heehee). But I will say I opted for the easy route of trash pick up...even though it costs a small fortune....my life is too complicated for weighing my trash and buying silly stickers for certain "types" of trash...

It's all garbage to me.