I'm starting to believe my dog is just plain stupid

Yes.... I've heard it a millions times.

I'll be taking Ace for a walk and someone will say "is that a Border Collie?"

and I'll say "Yes" and then they will say "you know, they are supposed to be the smartest breed of dog there is...."

My neighbor told me "they are the Einstein of the dog world" "off the chart when you compare other dogs IQ..."

Blah, blah, blah.

What I really want to say is "Well not this one! I think he might have been dropped on his head before we got him"

I even blogged about it before.

Here's some more of the things he has done/does and my thoughts at the time in italics:

~running full speed into the front porch step, which would hit him square in the chest and he would gasp. He did that over and over for months. "Oh, he's just a puppy...he'll learn."

~as he got older he would try and leap over the front step and always leap 2 or 3 strides too soon and smack his face on the step. He would also do when trying to get on the bed or couch. "maybe he has something wrong with his depth perception.... Do dogs ever wear glasses?"

~"playing" with the cat. He will stand there and the cat will be on his hind legs slapping the sides of Ace's head over and over. It's like a bad Three Stooges skit. "maybe he thinks this is how cats play?"

We did go to puppy kindergarten. And he did pretty good there, I thought.

The trainer there did warned us.

She told us to be careful, Border Collies are SO smart that they pretend not to get things just because they don't want to do them or to try and manipulate you.

I kinda wish I had never heard this.

Then I could go on just believing that I have a really stupid dog.

Instead I'm finding that I'm playing mind games. Trying to figure out what Ace is really thinking.

Not good. Here's an example.

It all has to do with fetch.

I have been trying to take Ace out everyday to get some exercise.

I've heard all about how if they don't get enough, they can get destructive.

So I decided the best thing for Ace is to go onto the golf course behind our house and play Frisbee. I figure I will throw the Frisbee, Ace will do a lot of running and fetching. Much better than just a walk on the leash around the neighborhood. Get those most out of our time out in the freezing weather.

All good except Ace has other ideas.

I throw the Frisbee.

Ace runs and gets it.
Then I spend 10 minutes chasing after him to get the Frisbee back.

"oh! I'm sorry did you want this"

So I'm thinking that he thinks this is a game (because he's supposed to be an Einstein- right?).

A game I really don't want to play.
I want him to be a normal dog. I throw, he fetches, we go home, he takes a nap and stops chewing on my furniture, the end.

So I quit chasing him. (that'll show him)

He still won't bring it to me.

Ace will run past me and leave it about 30 feet away and then crouch in his "I'm ready to go position"

If I don't go over and get it he starts whining. Eventually he will go over get the Frisbee and flick it in the air (like he's saying see this fun thing? I'll just have fun without you then.)

So I just stand there and watch him and he starts to whine louder pushing it around with his nose.

I have tried everything.

~Praising him continually as soon as he catches it and starts to run towards me....and stopping when he runs past.

~Praising him only when he gets near.

~Ignoring him completely

~Walking away

~Using my "stern voice" and saying "drop" or "come"

~Treats

this has been going on forever. No matter what he won't bring it back to me. And I don't give in. It ends up being a huge frustration. I only throw the Frisbee once or twice and we play battle of the wills the rest of the time and eventually go home.

"Frisbee? what Frisbee? I have no idea what you're talking about."

I've spent a lot of time standing on that golf course freezing my butt off trying to figure out what is going on inside his head.

I've come up with two possibilities

#1. He is just plain stupid.

#2. He is obviously concerned with the large amount of time that I spend sitting on the couch blogging and the lack of exercise I'm getting. He also notices the extra pounds that I've put on from not moving around enough and he is concerned about my health.

Yeah. and now I'm feeling pretty insulted.

I think it might be safer to go back to believing my dog is just plain stupid.