Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Time To Sing Again

I have finally given in.

After years of complaining (my husband and kids), insults (my teens), and embarrassing moments (the list is way to long),

I broke down and scheduled surgery to have my hearing fixed.

I have mentioned my hearing loss in past posts.

I usually talk about the benefits of being deaf in one ear and having a mild to moderate hearing loss in the other.

~not having to wear ear plugs to bed anymore to block out the Hubby's snoring.
~not hearing the trains or loud teens or puppy's ringing bells in the middle of the night.
~the wonderful excuse to use on my teens "I never agreed to that! I must not have heard you correctly!"

When I was diagnosed with Otosclerosis in my mid 20's it didn't really bother me.
I was just having trouble hearing what some people were saying (I thought everyone had suddenly taken up mumbling just to annoy me).

Over the years it has slowly progressed.

I remember asking my ENT doctor how I would know when I was ready for surgery.
He said "You won't but you're family will let you know. Your hearing loss will drive them crazy."

Such wise words.

If I can judge correctly, I'd say my family has been ready for at least 5 years.
But I'm just chicken.

My solution?
Just don't go to the doctor anymore.
See what I mean about chicken?

But there comes a time when it all adds up and you get tired of it.

Tired of not feeling included in conversations.
Tired of your kids rolling their eyes every time they have to repeat what they say two or three times.
Tired of always having to consider where you sit in a lecture or where you stand in a group of people.
Tired of putting a smile on your face when you have no idea what someone just said and in your mind you are going through all the possible things you can say instead of "what?" or "pardon" or "sorry, I didn't hear you" (it gets really old).

I guess what I'm saying is the bad is finally outweighing the good.

There are things that have also "snuck up" on me, you could say.
Things that had changed over time that I didn't really notice.

A big one is being able to hear my own voice.
It's difficult to explain (and I could be explaining it completely wrong) but I think it is because I can no longer hear my voice through my ears effectively so mostly, I hear myself in my head (no, I'm not hearing voices in my head-I know what you're thinking).

I guess the best way to put it is, that I don't sound like myself.

I think that is why I have slowly stopped singing.
I used to love to sing.
In choirs, in church, in the car while listening to the radio.

But I feel like I don't trust what I sound like
and what I do hear, I don't like.

I will be having my stapes bone removed and a prosthetic device implanted on December 1st.
And the first thing I look forward to doing is singing again.


Lucky Girl said...

Att a girl! I am SO happy the your hearing can be repaired. You are FINALLY gonna get my jokes!

Baino said...

Is that a Cochlear Implant you're having? I have a fridge magnet that says "I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you" but in your case, I guess it could be refersed. Good luck, you'll be amazed at the difference.

I Love Pretty Little Things said...

Well, Tori, I know that you will be so happy when the surgury is done and you can hear, and sing again! I am Such a chicken, too! I will avoid doctors, and definitely surgury, if at all possible.

You are being very brave and I am proud of you, :) If I ever have to have a surgury taht I am afraid of I'm calling you.
Love & Prayers, Joyce

Daffy said...

I don't know this gave me goosebumps and brought those pesky tears to the brim....Sing Again...please sing again :o)

McGillicutty said...

Oh my I am so happy for you.. it will open up a whole new world again!!! There's nothing like belting out a good song!!
it's all going to be fine and you will wonder what took you so long. xxxxxxxx

Sewn With Grace said...

And I will be singing Christmas carols with you, dear Tori. Surounding you with prayer!

Pam said...

I'm sure this is very scary for you, but I agree with McGillilcutty that you will be so happy with the results that you will wonder why you waited so long. Good luck!

Barb said...

Good luck! I know you'll be so glad you did it. (until the whining makes you crazy) I needed Ace the other day to show the girls how to use the agility equipment at the dog park! (Sassy posted about it last Sunday)
Happy Thanksgiving!

Brian Miller said...

best wishes for teh surgery and how cool will it be to hear good...

Kimi said...

Will be thinking about you. Hope it all goes well!!!!

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Gaia said...

How ya feelin' sweetie? Hope you're taking it easy and have a speedy recovery. So brave of you to take this big step!

I Love Pretty Little Things said...

Tori, It was so good to hear from you! How are you doing? Are you singing yet? Please post an update as soon as your are up to it.

Praying For You!!!