I obviously haven't blogged in a while.
Honestly, I couldn't concentrate to write.
Not to go into a bunch of boring details, but I've spent the last three weeks seeing a few different doctors and having and some tests done.
And waiting. Lots of waiting.
Oh.... and freaking out too! Thanks to talk of cancer by a couple of doctors.
But after lots of poking, prodding, x-raying, scoping, and CTing, the oncologist finally said no cancer-- just some weird allergy thingie.
Even though I'm a nurse by training, I truly underestimated the word "cancer". How even the prospect of it becoming part of your reality can throw your life into a tail spin.
It's amazing what the mind will do when it hears that word.
All the "what if's" enter your head, elbowing their way to the front of your mind. They compete for space forcing out any other thoughts, making it difficult to think straight.
The aches and pains of the past are recalled. They pull an "Arnold Horshack", raising their hand for attention shouting "Ooooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh!" thinking they might be included in the strange list of symptoms.
And let's not forget "Fear". No matter how hard you try to keep him locked in that little room at the back of your mind, he still breaks free- tapping you on the shoulder when you least expect it and whispering "boo..." just to get your heart racing.
Of course, not all the stuff bouncing around in my head was bad.
Life is brought back into perspective.
The priority list is reconsidered, edited, revised.
Faith, family, friends, love....
A new appreciation for the little things is born.
I'm off to walk with Ace and look for the budding signs of spring.
I hope you take a second and look for it today too.