Monday, March 15, 2010

It's been a long three weeks

I obviously haven't blogged in a while.
Honestly, I couldn't concentrate to write.

Not to go into a bunch of boring details, but I've spent the last three weeks seeing a few different doctors and having and some tests done.

And waiting. Lots of waiting.

Oh.... and freaking out too! Thanks to talk of cancer by a couple of doctors.

But after lots of poking, prodding, x-raying, scoping, and CTing, the oncologist finally said no cancer-- just some weird allergy thingie.

Even though I'm a nurse by training, I truly underestimated the word "cancer". How even the prospect of it becoming part of your reality can throw your life into a tail spin.

It's amazing what the mind will do when it hears that word.

All the "what if's" enter your head, elbowing their way to the front of your mind. They compete for space forcing out any other thoughts, making it difficult to think straight.

The aches and pains of the past are recalled. They pull an "Arnold Horshack", raising their hand for attention shouting "Ooooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh! Oooohhhhh!" thinking they might be included in the strange list of symptoms.

And let's not forget "Fear". No matter how hard you try to keep him locked in that little room at the back of your mind, he still breaks free- tapping you on the shoulder when you least expect it and whispering "boo..." just to get your heart racing.

Of course, not all the stuff bouncing around in my head was bad.

Life is brought back into perspective.

The priority list is reconsidered, edited, revised.
Faith, family, friends, love....
A new appreciation for the little things is born.

I'm off to walk with Ace and look for the budding signs of spring.

I hope you take a second and look for it today too.


Sheri said...

Very glad you don't have cancer! I'm also training to be a nurse, well should start next fall? The program I'm going into only accepts once a year, so gotta wait :(

Sewn With Grace said...

Tori, I'm so glad for you that the mystery has been solved. God leads us down this path for so many reasons. I'm celebrating with you today that you are well and that He is faithful!

Jessica said...

HALLELUJAH for answers...and ones that don't send your world into a tailspin!

Kim@SoManyKids said...

So glad it isn't something serious!!!

Brian Miller said...

welcome back...and so glad it is not cancer! whew! appreciate those little things...spring is coming...perhaps a rebirth for many!

Tracie said...

Spring is a time of hope and renewal...even without a cancer scare, we all could use some of that.

I'm so glad that yours was just a scare! Praise the Lord!

blueviolet said...

You know how happy I am to hear that everything is ok with you. I do know what it's like to hear that word and I know exactly about how the mind runs with it. Your whole life changes until they take that word away from you again.

Big hugs and a big welcome back!

hurstburst said...

Welcome back Tori! So glad the diagnosis wasn't too scary. Hurray for spring!

Tracie said...

I am so happy and relieved for you! I can't imagine how you were feeling when you didn't know.

Christy said...

Tori, I had no idea you were going thru this. I am so glad you have the answers that you wanted. It definately brings EVERYTHING into perspective. Praise God!!!

Matty said...

It's nice to see you again, and you brought good news too. That's fantastic! Your priorities sure are in order. I like that.

Baino said...

Tori I had no idea. There's been no 'hangman' for a few weeks so haven't had a chance to catch up! Very glad that your diagnosis isn't the big C. It killed a dear friend of mine last week and is a terrifying word . . not always a terrifying outcome.

Mrs. Sarcasm said...

Glad you are back and SO glad to hear you don't have that "C" word!! Hope you got some answers or at least relief. Missed you!!