Wednesday, November 25, 2009

shopping with hormones


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I went to the grocery store yesterday to finished up my Thanksgiving dinner shopping.
I tried to plan ahead. I really did. But planning ahead is not one of my strengths.

I did my "big" shopping last Friday afternoon. I thought that I would get everything I needed and then just pop in and pick up some of the fresh stuff I didn't want to buy so far ahead of time. You know, lettuce and fruit and stuff.
But over the weekend I started realizing there were other things that I didn't realize I was low on. All big, heavy things like kitty litter, puppy food, and cat food. Hubby also asked me to buy some pop "cubes" to restock his work fridge.

The reason I'm pointing out all these heavy items is because we all know what it's like when you have a heavily loaded shopping cart and how hard it is to try maneuver it through the store isles. Then add 20 million other people who are poor-plan-aheaders like me; a bunch of insane mothers with at least 2 or 3 young children who all need naps but instead decided to bring them to the store; a few dozen old people who can hardly walk' pushing carts instead of their walkers as they shuffle along slower than a crippled snail; and my hormones.

Yep, my hormones played a big part in this shopping trip. I've decided that has got to be what is wrong with me, because I wanted to rip every one's head off at that store.

It's a good thing I wasn't carrying a loaded weapon.

I'm thinking that people should have to get a grocery shopping license just like a drivers license.
It's obvious that people need to be taught the proper way to grocery shop.

Just like anything in life, there are some rules of etiquette even for grocery shopping.

For example, the person with a bigger cart always has the right away (have you ever tried to steer one of those double-child-carrying-double-long-cart jobs?). And if the shopping carts are equal in size, the person with the largest load of items should always be yielded to. When my cart is over flowing and heavy (like yesterday) and I'm struggling to keep my momentum going and someone with one those half cart steps out in front of me, I'm tempted to pick up the speed and run them right over (and scream and "yeeha" while I do it).

And how frustrating it is when someone abandons their shopping cart in the middle of an isle to go to another area to grab something or compare prices? When I see people doing that, I like to to add a few items to their shopping cart. Let them explain to the check out lady that they really didn't want those condoms and hemorrhoid cream and aren't sure how they got in their shopping cart.

I appreciate the fact that when all these "older" men retire they want to help their wives out at the grocery store, but they are the worst of them all. They have no idea what they are doing. They block entire isle while they compare the fiber content of different brands. They walk slow, with their eyes on the shelves, banging into people, cutting others off- basically having no clue that others are in the store shopping too. At my Meijer back home "senior day" was on Tuesday and I avoided that place on that day like the plague! Yesterday they were out in full force (maybe "senior day" is Tuesdays here too hmmmm).

By the time I was weaving my way to the check out lane I felt like my blood pressure was at blow-the-top-of-my-head-off levels. Like a giant spring was twisting in my chest and ready to snap from being wound so tight. I wanted to scream, not at anyone in particular-just scream.
One solution that would be helpful, besides the grocery shopping license, is if you don't have at least 10+ years of grocery store shopping experience then you are not allowed in the store within three days of a major holiday.
And passing lanes in all isle of the store. And blinkers on shopping carts. And maybe some Valium handed out at the door. And maybe a little better planning ahead....

11 comments:

One Cluttered Brain said...

Oh man! What a grocery store visit!
Kitty litter is WAY HEAVY to pick up. I have to pick up some today. Geez.

Maybe I can get some help out with it?

Travis said...

You know what helps?

Sleeveless shirt and jersey shorts.

When I go shopping with The Missus, that's what I wear.

People don't mess with me.

Gaia said...

Oh! The grocery store is my arch enemy! Someday i'm going to dive face first into the twinkies. Let's see 'em just try and stop me! So distracted by baked goods i forgot half of the stuff on my list-going back today. Thanks for joining my nest <3

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Ah, the holidays...if we remembered all the preps and what a pain in the ass they were, like child birth, there would be no holidays and no kids!

rxBambi said...

LMAO @Travis! I am on my way to the store now. I'm a little scared, but I just took my happy pill so hopefully it'll have kicked in by the time I get there. Valium is a great idea, from your blog to Dierberg's ears! Great post!

Mrs. Sarcasm said...

I think there should be an open bar at every grocery store. Thats all. Thanks!!

mommyto3kiddos said...

LOL...omg, how many times have I thought about the same thing about people needing shopping cart licenses and NOT being in the grocery store without prior experience! Of course, then there's the other 50% of the time, when I AM one of those crazy mothers who has 2 or 3 kids with her - but in my defense, it's not usually during nap time.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Some doofus commited a major cart ettiquete faux pas today in that he stopped at the head of the aisle in dead center, so that no one had enough room to pass left or right and he typed a long message on his blackberry. By the time he looked up, there was a log-jam of angry thanksgiving shoppers lusting to spill his blood. He's lucky to have made it out alive.

prashant said...

I just took my happy pill so hopefully it'll have kicked in by the time I get there.


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McGillicutty said...

WOW were you in my hood??? Try taking hubby sometime, he would have no clue either... mine always tries to go against the flow.. everyone in T-ville knows the flow and you start at the right door and work your way to the left.... Duh!!!!

kanishk said...

I think there should be an open bar at every grocery store. Thats all. Thanks!!
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